Midlife crisis is an awkward term. The stigma it carries hinders people from tapping into the good thing it can be. People face a midlife crisis as early as 30 and as late as 60+ and it can happen multiple times.

No matter what age a person is when the midlife crisis shows up, it can be a good thing when harnessed for why it’s there. I’ll show you why we misunderstand this phenomenon and how it can be a good thing in your life.

Having a midlife crisis can end up being the best thing for you.

WHY IT GETS A BAD RAP

Stigma and the judgment of others. The stigma is caused by those who’ve made bad decisions and done foolish things. For example, dressing and acting like they’re a teenager, buying a sports car or having an affair. No wonder there’s judgment regarding such things. People have gotten hurt by divorce, debt, and betrayal.

The negative emotions. The emotions of fear, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, jealousy, apathy, boredom, shame, and blame are often evidence of a midlife crisis. These emotions may present themselves but aren’t the basis of it. Failing to address them is the problem.

… it has become a widely mocked cliche, something people tut-tut over. But the result is that millions of people who are working through a midlife transition do so in silence and isolation, afraid to talk about it, often even with their spouses, for fear of setting off a family panic or being told they need medication. —Jonathan Rauch

Midlife crisis gets a bad rap because of the misunderstanding of what’s happening.

WHAT IT REALLY IS

Let’s start with defining the words.

Crisis means a turning point and a decisive moment.

Midlife is in the middle of your life—but when that occurs is subjective to people’s perspectives.

A midlife crisis is when a person starts looking at their life. Who they are, what they’ve done or not done, and what they have or don’t have. This life assessment and identity review brings up feelings. Either a person is happy with their life choices and how things are going or not.

The reaction typically involves anxiety or fear that the ways we have spent our time, along with the choices we have made, are not important enough, enjoyable enough or consistent with some ideal sense of self. —Janice Morris, an Austin, Texas-based psychologist

When the self-evaluation causes a negative self-opinion, the result is painful emotions. The painful emotions demand a response.

A midlife crisis is an opportunity.

WHAT CAN CAUSE IT

• When the awareness of aging happens. Menopause, grey hair, death of friend/co-worker, reading glasses, saggy boobs, need for Viagra, and hair loss to name a few.
• Having a health scare. Nothing makes you evaluate your life more than facing death or the possibility of it.
• When you’ve been at the same job or in the same career for a long time and start to feel bored or there’s nowhere else to go.
• Craving excitement or adventure because your life feels too routine or boring.
• When you lose a meaningful relationship: a friend, love interest, or spouse.
• When the empty nest occurs or anticipation of it as children gain more independence.
• Through the experience of regret about life goals or lack of achievements.

All these can cause a midlife crisis at various ages and multiple times.

WHY IT’S GOOD

When all the feelings and self-evaluation of a midlife crisis arises, it forces us to reflect. We look deeper than when things are the status quo. This is what gives us an opportunity.

A good synonym for crisis is juncture – a point of time, a connection, a joining.

• We can take advantage of this point in time.
• We can connect with what’s going on inside our soul.
• We can join in on a new life through intention.

The forced reflection is a gift we can avail ourselves of. We can choose to learn, heal and grow. By choosing to respond in this way we recreate a new and better life.

A midlife crisis can be good when you embrace the truth of what’s happening.

MY EXPERIENCE

I experienced a midlife crisis but didn’t realize what was happening. What caused mine was empty nest. I thought I was prepared for it. I mentally planned but my planning was faulty.

Instead of planning what I was going to do, I planned what I wasn’t going to do. I wasn’t going to fall apart and have a nervous breakdown like I’d heard other women had done. I fell under the stigma until life forced me to face the truth. This happened when I moved to Arizona forcing me to recreate my life. There’s too much to the story to share here. Get my book Emerging With Wings here.

I had another midlife crisis while writing that first book but this time I made use of it and it was good. I’ve had others since, and those stories are in my next book Because You Matter coming out in the fall of 2019.

I’m thankful for every midlife crisis I’ve experienced.

HOW TO MAKE USE OF THE CRISIS

To make a midlife crisis good we need to take ownership of how we feel and deal with it.

• Talk to someone about how you’re feeling.
• Reframe your life. If you’re being hemmed in by negative feelings take some time to look at the good. See what you do have and what you have done. Focus on the positive. Doing this alone might not be enough, but is an important step in shifting your focus.
• Do a life audit. What do you have and what do you want—what are you missing? Who are you and who do you want to be—what changes would that take? What have you accomplished and what do you wish you had—evaluate if you can and how.
• Don’t be impulsive or secretive. Talk over your thoughts and ideas with other people. Live in the light and take advantage of community.
• Set new goals. After the audit start, taking steps in the direction you want your life to go.
• Hire a coach to help you do what you say you want to do.

Don’t do what I did the first time and deny it. When we do this, we do dumb things that feed the stigma of the term.

WHAT NOW

• Can you see where you’ve encountered a midlife crisis?
• How did you respond?
• It’s never too late to make a change. What do you want to do?
• Set up a Discovery Session with me and see if a 15 minute chat is enough. Go here.

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Danielle Bernock

Author, Coach, and Speaker helping men, women, and organizations EMERGE with clear vision of their value, TAKE ownership of their choices, and CHART a path to their promise, becoming Victorious Souls who Embrace The Change from survive to thrive through the power of the love of God

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