Family. This word has come under attack in recent years. I’ve had my issues with family. Growing up. Raising my own. Learning how to be extended. It’s not always easy. But it’s valuable.
What is it about family that we want? What value does family have to offer?
WHAT IS FAMILY
I looked up the definition of family in many dictionaries. Here’s what I found.
Family is a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group living together or not. Or any group of persons closely related by blood. Or all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.
Progenitor is a fancy word for ancestor or parent.
And there are more definitions.
But definitions aren’t what we seek when that inner yearning arises for family.
Definitions aren’t what we seek when that inner yearning arises for family. Share on X
WHAT WE WANT
It isn’t a definition a person is looking for when seeking out a biological parent.
It isn’t a definition that brings people across miles to visit family or come “home” for the holidays. (Unless the person is shoulding themselves—but that’s another story.)
The heart isn’t searching for anything superficial when it seeks to be part of a family. It’s seeking inclusion, belonging, and love.
This heart cry resides in every human that lives and breathes. This need was instilled in us by God, who is our progenitor because it’s who He is. God is love.
We want this cry of our heart to be satisfied.
The heart isn’t searching for anything superficial when it seeks to be part of a family. Share on X
WHAT’S THE PROBLEM
We were born to be loved. We were created to be loved. Family was designed to be the breeding ground for love.
But it doesn’t always work that way. People are flawed.
Sometimes love is lacking in family units. When we experience this, we instinctively know something is wrong. People suffer. We call it dysfunction. It breaks our heart because we need the love we crave.
Sadly, people who are related biologically or by marriage can be void of love. Sometimes there’s even violence and/or abuse. This is a problem that breeds more problems.
A family can only give what it has.
Dysfunction. It breaks our heart because we need the love we crave. Share on X
LOVE OVER PERFECT
There is no such thing as a perfect family but there are loving families. There are also people who are completely unrelated biologically bound together by love.
The key is the love.
People who find their heart cry met don’t live perfect lives. They’ve connected to the source of love.
Genuine love will rise above imperfections.
Genuine love will rise above imperfections. Share on X
SOURCE OF LOVE
As I said above, God is love. I understand that saying God is the source of love sounds a bit trite. But I’ve learned it’s true.
I was wounded by both my biological family and the church. I didn’t trust either.
I had no understanding of what love was. But that craving was there. I knew I needed it. You need it too. God helped me when I couldn’t help myself.
God wants you to understand how deeply you’re loved.
We were born to be loved. We were created to be loved. Share on X
WHAT NEXT
God invites you into His family. Get my story of how God helped me when I couldn’t help myself – Emerging With Wings book.
Here are more resources for you to connect with love:
- 10 Truths About Love You Need to Know article
- Intro to Love’s Manifesto article
- What’s God Really Like book by S.J Hill
- What Does it Mean to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself article
Yes that is what we all long for true love. I also was wounded by both family and church. There has been a lot of trauma in my family. I have been through a lot of trauma and abuse and need inner healing. How can we know true love when there hasn’t really been much in the family? It is hard to know the Love of the Heavenly Father when you have been wounded by your biological parents. I was going to different churches before because I haven’t seemed to sense that feeling of when they call it your church “family”. I have been going to one church for a few months now. I am still not sure if I sense that there. I guess we just need to take it by Faith and believe that the Lord loves us. We need to believe it and receive it by Faith.
So how do you live loved? I guess it would be by Faith
Kim, I’m so sorry for your pain. I can relate.
I can also encourage you that healing is possible. It’s not instant or magical, but possible. It takes a process. My process became my book because I had to share it. I want people to know they’re loved because not knowing is misery.
I believe living loved does begin with faith. That’s how I started. But I believe it grows from there. We can know and feel that love as we grow and heal. It took me a long time but I know it now. The story is in Love’s Manifesto.
Thank you for taking the courage to share. I’m praying for you.
Thank you
You’re welcome, Kim. Thank you for emailing me also, I replied.
I completely agree with you that “family” as you define it — and the type of family we all crave — does not have to be biological. I was lucky enough to be born to parents who loved (and continue to love) and care for me, but sadly, many people are not that lucky. Fortunately, though, communities can form and they can provide that sense of belonging and security that might be lacking in traditional family units.
I’m so happy for you, Kate You’re right. Not everyone grows up surrounded by love. Knowing you’re loved and you belong is so important.
Thank you for sharing!