What do you think about self-care? The term self-care went mainstream following the 2016 presidential election in America. However, with its resurgence many misunderstand, misuse, or refuse it.

The concept of self-care originated through the medical community in America back in the 1960’s. Since then it’s passed through academia, politics, civil rights movements and re-entered an aspect of the medical community calling it wellness before politics made it a buzzword (an important-sounding word of little meaning used to impress laymen*).

So what IS this thing called self-care anyways?

DEFINING SELF-CARE

Self – a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others – per google

Self is the individual person – uniquely me or you. It’s the spirit, soul (mind, will, emotions, personality) and body of a person.

Care – the provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something. Serious attention or consideration applied to doing something correctly or to avoid damage or risk. To feel concern or interest; attach importance to something. To look after and provide for the needs of. Per google

To care requires identifying needs and taking the necessary steps to meet them. To pay attention to what is good for well-being. Care attaches value to what is being cared for.

Defining the terms may appear silly or simplistic but it’s necessary.

If you know what something is then you know what it’s not.

SELF-CARE IS NOT THIS

Self – all of who I am or anything I care about. Anything I want to be in charge of.

Care – obsession and preoccupation with who I am or anything I care about. What others think or want is of little concern because my self is more important.

Living out of this definition is a misunderstanding and/or misuse of self-care.

Self – uncertain where the lines are between what is mine and what is not. Me who is less than others.

Care – what I give to others. What I give to myself last.

Living out of this definition creates refusal or resistance to self-care.

I know this first hand.

I misunderstood self and care for a long time until I learned differently.

Seeing these things wrong causes a warped sense of duty to others. It gives a false sense of honor under the guise of servanthood, when really it dishonors you. If you’re here there is hope.

Proper self-care is a good thing you can learn to do.

THIS IS WHAT SELF-CARE IS

It’s about you but it’s not about you.

If you’ve ever flown on a plane you’ve heard the standard safety speech of seat belts, flotation devices and the masks that could drop from the ceiling.

The instruction regarding the oxygen masks is a demonstration in self-care.

The flight attendant always says to secure your own mask first before assisting others.

Before assisting others.

Not instead of assisting others.

The unsaid expectation is that once you can breathe you will help others.

A person who practices healthy self-care will see their well-being as a source of well-being for others.

Self-care, as it should be, empowers you to serve others better.

A VISUAL OF SELF-CARE

Our self is like a garden.

Both are filled with whatever is put in them and they have the capability to nourish many.

Gardens require care or they will be run over with weeds, have insect or critter problems, dry up or rot. This care is often called tending.

A garden that is tended well provides a bountiful crop. But to partake of the crop it must be harvested or picked – which is also tending.

When you harvest what your garden produces do you give it all away?

Of course not.

When a person gives of themselves without tending to their own well-being it is like giving all the produce of their garden away.

Yet some do this. I’ve done this.

This analogy helped me see the value in self-care.

THE IMPORTANCE OF PROPER SELF-CARE

If I fail to take care of myself I will not have what I need to help others. The tending of self is a perpetual need just like tending a garden.

To practice self-care is to pay attention to what you need and then respond with providing what you need because you have value. Both for yourself and for others.

When we take proper care of ourselves, we aren’t being self-centered or indulgent. Instead, we’re taking necessary steps to be our best selves so we have plenty to give to others.

When we fail to replenish ourselves we have nothing left to give and when we burn the candle at both ends those around us usually get burnt too.

How we practice or fail to practice self-care affects everything in our lives.

There are various parts to our lives. We have relationships, jobs, physical bodies, emotions and list goes on.

The end goal of self-care is always the same: a healthy inner life and healthy body empowering us in our lives and the lives of others.

There are many ways to practice self-care and it’s different for each person.

WHAT NEXT

• Do you practice self-care or do you struggle with healthy self-care?
• Do you have an unhealthy definition of self-care?
• We take care of what we value. Learn to value and love your self with this.

Danielle Bernock

Author, Coach, and Speaker helping men, women, and organizations EMERGE with clear vision of their value, TAKE ownership of their choices, and CHART a path to their promise, becoming Victorious Souls who Embrace The Change from survive to thrive through the power of the love of God

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