Everyone craves to be seen yet so many of us hide. The craving to be seen is so strong, but when there’s fear of what people see, think and feel about us we recoil.

How do we overcome that fear and get our need met?

Yes, being seen is a need. Being seen is validating to our humanity and our worth.

Everyone needs to be seen.

WHY WE FEAR BEING SEEN

There are many reasons we fear being seen.

• The fear of rejection by those we want acceptance from.
• The fear of exposure due to self-criticism.
• The fear of judgment, or worse, condemnation.

We may have trauma that replays in our emotions and mind. There may be soul wounds that trip us up.

Whatever the reason, we can overcome the fear of being seen.

AN EXPERIMENT

When I was having trouble setting the date to launch my newest book, I spoke on the phone with a friend who offered to help. I didn’t realize when I accepted her offer that she wasn’t just a friend, but also a life coach. She not only encouraged me, but she also coached me. (Thank you, Kathy.)*

In our conversation, I discovered trauma was replaying in mind and emotions. It created fear that stood in the way of me making a decision. My friend encouraged me to do a 30-day challenge of what she called “showing up”. This meant doing a video (live or recorded) every day, at the same time and posting it on my Facebook page—forcing myself to be seen. She had done it before and shared how it helped her. I knew it was a good idea but that fear was there.

To overcome the fear of being seen and do this challenge I looked at it as an experiment. I set a start date to give my mind time to prepare and committed to the process. I succeeded in completing my experiment. I showed up every day. The videos were mostly recorded but some were live. I was late a couple of times but never missed a day. I didn’t judge myself for what I said or how I looked or how many people watched. I observed and learned. I disallowed expectation other than completing my challenge. I’ve learned this is called “outcome blind”.

Letting myself be seen without an expected outcome from others gave me courage.

THE OUTCOME

I learned a lot from doing this experiment.

I practiced just being me. I showed up and talked about things in my life and how I felt. I encouraged others with things I was learning. When I tripped over my words or recorded the video multiple times, I embraced my humanity. I didn’t have any pretense. There was no performing. I cared about what was going on in my life and shared both on Facebook and Instagram.

I let myself be seen—as is and gained a new level of self-respect.

For example, when I was in Arizona and I went to the gym before the sun was up. I wasn’t all put together but presentable, so I made a video of how I showed up at the gym and a victory I had.

I felt the accountability for my decision to complete this process. I said I would show up and I did. I was proud of myself. I showed up even when no one watched.

Showing up every day helped me overcome the fear of being seen in one way. But in another way, there was irony going on. I didn’t want anyone watching me make the video’s or do the Facebook Lives, but I was making them for the purpose of being watched. How silly is that? In overcoming, the fear was still there.

Fear of being seen might not go away, but we can choose to be seen anyway.

WHAT NEXT

• Being seen is important. It’s how we get to know one another. Tell me something about yourself in the comments.
• Do you want to do a 30-day challenge? Take a peek at my videos and be encouraged.
• Read my article What Does it Mean to “BE SEEN” here.
• Get a copy of my new book BECAUSE YOU MATTER here.

*Need coaching? Connect with Kathy here.

Danielle Bernock

Author, Coach, and Speaker helping men, women, and organizations EMERGE with clear vision of their value, TAKE ownership of their choices, and CHART a path to their promise, becoming Victorious Souls who Embrace The Change from survive to thrive through the power of the love of God

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