Ownership and responsibility often get confused. Both have their place, but it’s important to know the difference.
Most people agree taking responsibility for yourself is a good thing, even necessary. However, the idea of owning yourself is a different matter. Some argue that taking ownership of yourself is wrong, even sinful. For a long time I was bound under that lie.
Jesus said the truth is what sets us free, and the truth is – God wants us to take ownership of our “self”.
In the following excerpt of my book, Because You Matter: How To Take Ownership Of Your Life So You Can Really Live I explain why owning yourself matters.
It’s your life, you get to decide what to do with it. —Danielle Bernock Share on X
Why Ownership
It’s your life, you get to decide what to do with it. —Danielle Bernock
On the back of the brown wooden door to my room, I hid it beneath my bathrobe. I secretly hoped to own the positive qualities the poem offered: things like acceptance, encouragement, love, confidence, and security. But hiding it there gave me no ownership. Instead, I owned shame, judgment, criticism, and fear. I owned them even though I didn’t understand ownership as a child. But the hidden poem became a prophecy as I learned what I lived.
Growing up, I understood responsibility. It was a duty and an obligation. I never considered owning my life. I didn’t feel I had any right. Unless children are intentionally taught, they won’t learn how to own their lives. This is exacerbated when trauma becomes part of a child’s story. This happened to me which I’ll get into more later. First, I want you to recognize the difference between responsibility and ownership.
Seeing the difference came as an aha moment for me. I read an article, illustrating the point of how different the two words were in a parenting situation. The word ownership haunted me long after I read about it. I researched both words to understand them better. Responsibility is a duty and obligation that has its place. But it can also be oppressive. This is due to a lack of ownership.
What’s the difference?
- Responsibility is being something.
- Ownership is to have something.
Responsibility is a relationship between you and someone else. Ownership is a relationship with something that belongs to you.
When you’re responsible for something, you answer to some-one else. For example, when you rent or lease a vehicle. There are rules and requirements you’re responsible for following. You must answer to the owner of the vehicle upon the end of your contract. If you’ve violated any of the guidelines or there’s damage, you’re responsible to the owner for those things.
When you own something, you answer only to yourself. Using the same example of a vehicle, this time you buy it. It belongs to you. You can choose to take care of it or not. It’s up to you and you alone if you follow any manufacturer guidelines or not. You have the power to sell the vehicle to someone else if you want to.
Taking ownership of your life is better than taking ownership of things. It’s empowering. Ownership inspires initiative, creativity, inventiveness, and resourcefulness. It’s motivating. When you own something, you understand no one else has any responsibility unless you give it to them. When something is yours, you care more. Ownership is closer to our heart’s affections than responsibility.
When, where, and to whom you were born were not in your power. You can’t be held responsible for things outside your control. As you grew up, things happened that shaped who you are. Good and bad things. Things that weren’t your fault and things that were. Maybe you suffered childhood trauma, as I did. Maybe you didn’t. But either way, your life can change starting today by taking ownership of it going forward.
Childhood trauma has many causes. Some are obvious, while others are not. Consequently, trauma can go undetected. A child’s brain isn’t fully developed, so they aren’t capable of handling things like adults. This means they’re more susceptible to trauma. Things adults dismiss can inflict deep wounds in a child’s psyche. A child can be traumatized and not understand the wounds embedded inside them. These wounds have voices that cry out for help. Sometimes this is why a child will “act out.” When unheard and untended, the wounds cause symptoms (or side effects) in adults. We’ll get more into what those are later. It’s important to know the symptoms of childhood trauma will last a lifetime if not addressed. It was by the grace of God, and through His power, I found help and healing. You can too if that’s what you need. God will help you if that’s what you want.
GOD WANTS US TO TAKE OWNERSHIP FOR OUR LIVES
Something happens when you feel ownership. You no longer act like a spectator or consumer, because you’re an owner. Faith is at its best when it’s that way too. It’s best lived when it’s owned.—Bob Goff
As a child, I never imagined God wanted me to own my life. There are religious views that consider it evil. I’m familiar with the Bible verses used in their argument because I oppressed myself with them until I learned better. I’m prepared to answer the objection for those who need it. Feel free to skip this section if this doesn’t apply to you.
GOD WANTS US TO TAKE OWNERSHIP FOR OUR LIVES Share on X
ADDRESSING THE ARGUMENT TO OWNERSHIP
- Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies. (1 Cor. 6:19–20 NIV)
- Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. (2 Cor. 1:21–22 NIV)
Do these verses say you have no rights? You’re a slave to God? You’re a robot and have no choices? Absolutely not. I misunderstood these for many years, thinking I was a slave and God a taskmaster. This is far from the truth. Now, I believe this way of thinking breaks God’s heart.
The Bible says Jesus came to set us free. It’s within freedom we’re to take ownership of our lives and do something with them. We can’t honor God with our body if we don’t own it. Our body won’t do it by itself. The Biblical seal of ownership is not one that turns us into another’s property, like human trafficking. It’s one of love and relationship. It’s better compared to a betrothal with an engagement ring.
- It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Gal. 5:1 NIV)
- You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. (Gal. 5:13 (NIV)
The freedom Christ purchased for us needs to be owned for us to walk in it. We won’t love others without being intentional. We can oppress ourselves with certain behaviors burdened by the idea of responsibility; but, if we take ownership instead, it empowers us to live and love wholeheartedly. We’ll sacrifice anything for true love. Look at what Jesus did.
Until you take ownership for your life, you will always be chasing happiness. —Sean Stephenson Share on X
What about dying to self and living for God? I’m glad you asked.
- Then he said to them all: ”Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.” (Luke 9:23-24 NIV)
- Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. (Rom. 12:1 NIV)
- “. . . And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”‘ ”But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’ “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.” (Luke 12:19-21 NIV)
The following definition of ownership explains how it’s through taking ownership of our lives; we have the power to give them to God.
Ownership (noun) the relation of an owner to the thing possessed; possession with the right to transfer possession to others* (emphasis mine)
The Bible calls us joint-heirs with Jesus. In First Corinthians 6 (referenced above), the word own—you’re not your own—has a long list of possible word translations in the original Greek. One of them is alone. Try reading it instead as you are not alone. God has no interest in robots. The God I know desires relationship. He wants sons and daughters who will take ownership of, or “possess,” what He’s offered us. Our life, our soul, is a precious gift from God.
- What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? (Matt. 16:26 NIV)
- By your patience possess your souls. (Luke 21:19 NKJV)
The soul is made up of our mind, will, and emotions. These are three areas in our lives where we can take ownership. We’ll talk more about these in separate chapters.
THE CHOICE IS UP TO YOU
Until you take ownership for your life, you will always be chasing happiness. —Sean Stephenson
This life you’re living is yours. It’s up to you what you do with it. When it’s over, you’ll be left with the result of your choice. Taking ownership is being intentional within every area of your life and choosing to live it fully.
- Is anything worth more than your soul? (Matt. 16:26b NLT)
Not only is our soul a gift from God. It’s also our choice what we do with it.
KEY POINTS
- Taking ownership is more powerful than taking responsibility.
- Ownership is closer to our heart affections than responsibility.
- Whether you suffered childhood trauma like I did or not, your life can change starting today by taking ownership of it going forward.
- God wants you to take ownership of your life.
- The Biblical seal of ownership is one of love and relation-ship.
- It’s through taking ownership of our lives we have the power to give them to God.
- Not only is our soul a gift from God. It’s also our choice what we do with it.
YOU CAN ASK GOD FOR HELP
Father God, in Jesus name, I ask for your grace and power to help me take ownership of my life so I can live the life you have for me. Help me see things like you see them and not argue with your goodness.
WHAT NOW
- Share your thoughts in the comments
- Grab a copy of Because You Matter here
*definition from https://www.definitions.net/definition/ownership (used with permission in the printed book)
