Comparing. Measuring. Judging. Why do we do this? It causes problems. Comparing ourselves to others is unfair. Measuring our value, our success and identity to someone else’s seeming greatness is a problem.
We can fix this problem.
WHY IT’S A PROBLEM
Comparison can cripple self-esteem, our passion, and purposes.
When we compare ourselves to others we end up judging in favor of them or us. We’re only better compared to some but worse compared to others.
It creates jealousy, competition, pecking order and rivalries. These are only made worse by information taken out of context.
For example,
- Facebook or Instagram posts.
- An article or book someone wrote.
Unless you know the person thoroughly your comparison judges incorrectly by using false perception as a rule.
Comparison sees differences and there’s no Win Win*.
IT’S APPLES TO ORANGES
No one is the same. That’s not a bad thing.
When my kids were small we had a book Bible Time Nursery Rhymes*. A favorite was I Am Me and You Are You. It cited and celebrated how we’re all different.
For example:
- I don’t stand or walk like you, I don’t smile or walk like you
- I don’t sing a song like you, or even hum along like you
- I don’t run and skip like you, or even hoppity hip like you
- I don’t drink or eat like you, or even chew my meat like you
- I don’t write or draw like you, or even color at all like you
- I don’t sleep in bed like you, or even lay my head like you
Because:
- God made one of me, not two.
I had no problem seeing the value in my children’s uniqueness.
I struggled to see it in myself until I did this:
Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life. Galatians 6:4-5 the Message
Finding our value in our true self sets us free from the need to compare.
Finding our value in our true self sets us free from the need to compare. Share on X
YOU MATTER—AS IS
It took me most of my life to learn my value. That I mattered—as is.
The biggest change came through the process of writing my book Emerging With Wings. I made a careful exploration of who I was and emerged with an entirely new mindset of who I am.
After writing and publishing that book, my life became as different, as a caterpillar is from a butterfly.
But just like a butterfly carries some of the parts of the caterpillar, I discovered old things in me. Things like comparison.
I find a quote from the movie The Princess Bride helpful.
The villain (Vizzini) accuses her saying I suppose you think you’re brave, don’t you?
She responds with humility and wisdom. Only compared to some.
There will always be those who appear better or worse but the truth is they’re only different.
Our behavior and choices can be good or bad—but our inherent value is incomparable.
Our behavior and choices can be good or bad—but our inherent value is incomparable. Share on X
WE ALL FALL DOWN
We know everyone is different. Someone will come up short when we compare. It’s inevitable. Still, we fall into it. I’ve done it many times.
For example, with my writer friends.
Many of them are educated with Ph.D.’s and other titles or accomplishments.
I’m no scholar. I have a greater tendency to make up words than to have a vast vocabulary. I can’t speak another language fluently. I have enough trouble with English.
Many of them go on amazing adventures traveling the world.
- Caroline moved her family to China to live for a year.
- Kay hiked the Camino Portuguese and El Camino de Santiago.
- Tom is vlogging his travels including places like the Philippines, Bali, Vietnam and more.
Those are awesome things they do. It can feel intimidating. It can feel like I’m doing something wrong. But I’m not.
Being different than others doesn’t make me less valuable than them or them more important than me.
Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. Galatians 6:4 NLT
When you fall into comparing do these two things.
Give yourself grace and remind yourself of your value and your own purpose or path.
Give yourself grace and remind yourself of your value and your own purpose or path. Share on X
FORGE YOUR OWN PATH—BECAUSE YOU MATTER
The rhyme is true – I am me and you are you. Comparison seeks to poison that.
- Instead forge your own path.
Like it says in the Bible, walk worthy of the vocation that you were called to.
Comparing ourselves with other people is the wrong measure.
- Instead, measure your progress on your own life journey.
The world needs what God put inside you.
- Because you matter.
When you see someone excelling in an area that you would like to succeed at, remind yourself, “That’s not my craft.” – Jeff Goins
Be inspired by others but don’t seek to copy them.
Be inspired by others but don’t seek to copy them. Share on X
WHAT NOW
- Do you struggle with comparison? Share a struggle or victory in the comments.
- Join my email list and get Dare to Believe to remind you of your value – click here.
- Learn more about *Win Win – a habit from the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
- Get a copy of *Bible Times Nursery Rhymes by Emily Hunter
Be inspired by:
- Kay’s trek in her article God: You Are Mine, Me: Um. What?
- Caroline’s year in China through her book Jumping Out of the Mainstream
- Tom’s world traveling adventures on his website Finding Tom
- The story of a father who completed his son’s quest in this movie: The Way
What a great post! Comparing yourself to others only leads to pain & trouble. I love the quote from Princess Bride. And I thought the picture you put at the beginning was perfect!
Thank you, Michael. You’re right – pain and trouble.
Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for sharing.
Great post! I struggle with comparisson all the time. And yet, I am one to say “if you know one stroke survivor, you know one survivor.” But still I compare. How is it that so & so have ran a marathon already and I can’t even run at all? I am slowly learning to let go, to forge my own path and learn about my purpose.
Thank you, Mommaberna. You’re not alone in your struggle. Comparison is such an easy hole to fall into. I think we all need to be reminded of the value of our own journey and progress.
I’m glad I’ve encouraged you – because you matter and your journey matters and your story matters. I’m cheering you on! Remember how far you’ve come and how deeply you’re loved.
Thank you for sharing!
This is such an important reminder. As a kid, I often played the comparison game. That started to fade into adulthood, but now as I get older, I look at people my age who’ve achieved certain milestones in their career and finances, and I start to really get down on myself for not being where they’re at. You’re absolutely right, though, that every person has their own path.
I hear you, Kate. It’s so easy to do that – get down on ourselves. I’ve done that so many times. But I’m learning it’s not fair. It’s not fair to others or to myself. Each of us has gifts and talents and stories to share that no one else has. The world needs us to be true. I’m still growing and we’re all a work in progress.
Thank you, Kate!
From my damage came some heavy thoughts, simply expressed. Your post resonated with me, although mine (by comparison) is so brief. https://writenow.life/2018/02/18/by-comparison/ Thank you so much for reminding me of my value in this world. BR
Brian, I’m glad my article touched your heart and encouraged you.
Thank you for sharing.