Happiness. The word itself sounds happy so why do we struggle so much to be happy? What does it mean to be happy anyway? Is it something we can own, or is Thoreau right?

Happiness is Like a Butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder. – Thoreau

I disagree. Happiness may be elusive in ways but you can take ownership of it on purpose. Chasing happiness may not work, but neither will ignoring it.

You can own your happiness and I’ll show you how.

DECIDE

Happiness doesn’t just happen. Being happy starts with a decision.

You have a part to play in whether or not you’re happy. You can decide to be happy.

• Yes, there are things that happen to us and around us affecting us.
• Yes, there are people who have chemical issues in their bodies.
• Yes, there are times in life when sadness or grief are needed.
• Yes, those things are true.

But you have the power of how to respond to them. You don’t have to allow them to take over your life.

You can decide to be happy on purpose because you are in charge of your own happiness.

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.– Abraham Lincoln

UNDERSTAND

There’s reason happiness is elusive. There’s a reason happy feelings disappear as fast as cotton candy melts in your mouth, or flit away like a butterfly.

It’s a thing called hedonic adaptation. (Sounds awful doesn’t it?)

It doesn’t sound happy, but it does affect everyone.

What is hedonic adaptation?

It is a process or mechanism that reduces the affective impact of emotional events. Generally, hedonic adaptation involves a happiness “set point”, whereby humans generally maintain a constant level of happiness throughout their lives, despite events that occur in their environment.  

It is the observed tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes. (source)

It sounds complicated and difficult to understand, so put it in my own words.

Hedonic adaptation is the loss of the thrill after something good happens. It’s the new normal after the initial emotional impact.

Here’s an example to help you understand how it works.

You get a new car. You’re elated. No food or beverage allowed in the car, you wash it frequently, you park far away from other cars and do other protective things for your “new baby.”  Until the honeymoon is over. You start eating fast food while driving, parking as close as you can to the store, complaining about the payment…

The new and exciting became every day. The thrill is gone.

We not only get used to it, but we also start to take it for granted.

This happens in every area of our lives.

Like the ocean that washes away drawings in the sand, hedonic adaptation washes away the emotional high we call happiness.

Sound hopeless and depressing? It doesn’t have to be.

There’s something you can do to overcome hedonic adaptation.

Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence. – Og Mandino

FEED YOUR HAPPY

Gratitude is food for the soul that feeds you feelings of happiness.

It doesn’t come to us naturally. We need to put it into our hearts and minds on purpose. (It’s that whole decision thing again that gives you the power to own.)

Gratitude not only can overcome hedonic adaptation, but it has many other benefits also.

The benefits of practicing gratitude are nearly endless. People who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems. (Source)

Call it having an Attitude of Gratitude, Counting your Blessings, the Cup is Half Full or a positive attitude/mindset.

However you want to word it, you can do something every day to feed that into yourself.

Don’t let hedonic adaptation steal your happiness. Feed your happy with intentional gratitude.

How?

Something I do is having a good things jar. I started this practice 3 years ago and love what it’s done in my life.

I start it on New Year’s Day and every morning I write down something good that happened the day before and put it in the jar. On the following New Year’s Day, I dump them out and read them all.

Some days the paper is full, and some days there is just one thing.

But every morning I find at least one thing good from the day before that I am grateful for and I feed my soul happy food.

There is always something to be grateful for.

• Being grateful is looking at what we have and not focusing on what is missing.
• Being grateful is shifting focus from what we don’t like to something we do.
• Being grateful is taking notice of good things in our lives like my good things jar.

Some say if you don’t count your blessings then the blessings don’t count. These lyrics speak volumes!

Don’t it always seem to go 
That you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot                   Joni Mitchell – Big Yellow Taxi

Don’t let your blessings drive off in a yellow taxi because you failed to pay attention.

Own your happiness on purpose.

WHAT NEXT

Take action to feed your happy:

• Make a good things jar for yourself. It doesn’t need to be for an entire year. Do a month or whatever works for you. You got kids? Include them. Teach them how to own their happiness.
• Start a good things or gratitude journal and make a note of it every day, or once a week—whatever works for you that is sustainable.
• Do you see something in your life where hedonic adaptation has stolen from you and a blessing might be headed to a taxi? Every day write down something you are grateful for about that subject or person.

Share this post to help someone else own their happiness.

Danielle Bernock

Author, Coach, and Speaker helping men, women, and organizations EMERGE with clear vision of their value, TAKE ownership of their choices, and CHART a path to their promise, becoming Victorious Souls who Embrace The Change from survive to thrive through the power of the love of God

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