Emotional turmoil happens to everyone. Raging emotions are screaming for help because they need something. Finding what they need is how we find out how to cope.

Lots of things cause our emotions to spiral like an internal tornado. Sometimes those reasons are large but other times we have a pile of smaller issues.

Either way, how we respond will affect how well we cope.

For example, turmoil happened to me while I was writing an article on how to not be a bully to yourself. I’d overcome so much I had to share so others could find the freedom I enjoy. The turmoil began after many things happened to create a pile of conflicting emotions. But what really sent me spiraling was the realization I’d become guilty of bullying myself. The bully I used to deal with all the time taunted me with how I was such a hypocrite.

In the midst of this emotional tornado, I remembered coping skills I used in the past.

I applied them and they changed everything.

FIRST THINGS FIRST

The first thing I needed to do was own my emotions.

Our emotions are ours alone. No one can cope for someone else. If we want to be emotionally healthy then we have to be the one to do something.

If we choose to do nothing they won’t go away. They simply go underground.

Underground emotional turmoil has side effects. For example, sleep problems, eating disorders, emotional eating, relationship problems, fatigue, volatility in moods and even various illnesses (headache, digestive problems, hives, muscle aches etc).

It’s a better choice to own, embrace and listen to them.

EMBRACE AND LISTEN

Our emotions are part of us. We need to love ourselves enough to listen to them. Rejecting them is rejecting ourselves. Embracing the truth of what’s going on inside of us will lead us to the answers we need to cope well.

Emotional turmoil requires action. Some form of expression is needed to process the emotion and restore peace. This is where coping skills come in.

The appropriate skill is found through asking yourself—What do I need right now?

Below are some skills to help you answer your question.

NEEDS and SKILLS

Need to let it out—how to get it out.

Emotions can make us feel like a pressure cooker. Anger, sorrow or frustration build up and the need may be to release some. Picture letting air out of a balloon.

You can do this through various physical activities like going for a walk, riding a bike, chopping wood, building something, screaming into a pillow, or having a therapeutic cry. (tears have chemistry)

Quieter or less physical ways are writing, talking to someone, or drawing.

Need it to be seen as real and valid—how to make it seen.

Emotional pain is as real as physical pain but because you can’t see it, it can feel invalid or unreal. Especially if you’ve been told you overreact or are too sensitive.

You can make your emotions seen through painting, drawing, or even scribbling with colors that match your feelings.

You could even put Band-Aids on your body to validate the pain.

Need to stop feeling out of control—how to feel empowered.

Overwhelming emotions make us feel powerless and out of control. That’s scary. When that happens you need to find something you can control.

You can make a list of activities you can easily complete, clean something, or rearrange a closet or the furniture in a room.

Another thing is doing something you enjoy and know you’re good at.

Need the pain to stop—how to find relief.

Sometimes emotional turmoil is just too much to bear and you need relief. Something to calm the pain and chaos.

Distraction and relaxation are good choices here.

Perhaps take a hot shower or a nap. You could watch a movie, breathe in soothing aromatherapy with essential oils or candles, or listen to music with headphones on.

Need to stop the numbness—how to snap out of the nothingness.

Sometimes emotional turmoil is so overwhelming a feeling of nothingness sets in. When necessary, the body shuts down the emotional pain receptors to protect itself.

This may be good for a short period but not for the long haul. Lack of emotion is a problem with a whole other set of side-effects.

A physical choice would be to snap a rubber band on your wrist or hold an ice cube.

You could also watch something really funny, super sad or opinionated to stir up an emotional response.

Need to punish self—how to process blame and shame.

Beating ourselves up in an attempt to feel better is not uncommon but it doesn’t work. It makes things worse. It’s the bully showing up.

Instead, own your emotions. If you need to accept responsibility for a mistake and make amends that’s one thing. Shaming yourself is quite another. Allow yourself your humanity. No one is perfect. Give yourself grace.

If you’ve done something wrong, forgive yourself. You could even write it out in letter form. Or write out what you wish you’d done to prepare for next time.

Also, speaking words of grace-filled affirmation to yourself out loud is helpful.

WHAT NEXT

• Here are words of grace.
• Here are words to help you love yourself.
• Get this Free Printable of my poem The Power of Emotions
• If your emotions are more than you can handle and no coping seems possible please call someone for help — you’re worth it!

Danielle Bernock

Author, Coach, and Speaker helping men, women, and organizations EMERGE with clear vision of their value, TAKE ownership of their choices, and CHART a path to their promise, becoming Victorious Souls who Embrace The Change from survive to thrive through the power of the love of God

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