Sonder. Ever since I discovered it, it’s stuck with me. Every time I encounter sonder it impacts and changes me.
The word was coined by John Koenig in what he calls The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. No other word in his dictionary impacts me like sonder.
I’ve written about sonder privately many times. I’ve wanted to share but nothing has been worthy enough. Not until I read a story in a newsletter by Bridges International and it happened again – I was arrested by sonder.
Sonder is profound. Experiencing it you’ll be changed. When it happens you see differently. Your perception changes. Just like when I read the story in that newsletter.
The story was about a group of international students going to Texas to help with Hurricane Harvey relief. A number of things stood out to me that brought on the sonder.
But first, you need to know what sonder is.
Sonder is profound. Experiencing it you’ll be changed. Share on X
WHAT IS SONDER
The short definition in Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is:
sonder – n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. (emphasis mine)
- It’s a realization.
- It’s an aha moment.
- It’s seeing something you didn’t see before that moment.
But it’s also more.
This short little video will give you the aha moment of what the word really means.
Understanding sonder will empower you to be changed in a positive way by it.
Understanding sonder will empower you to be changed in a positive way by it. Share on X
ONE SONDER MOMENT
One moment of sonder will unveil the vastness of what was missing before that moment. For example, when I read that story, in my sonder I felt these 4 things.
- There’s still a need? That was so long ago! (no it wasn’t – it was just last year, not even 8 months ago) I feel detached and see the vast life of others.
- One student’s response – This is America? How can such devastation exist in the midst of such a prosperous nation?
- International students helping America – opportunities in schools I don’t have.
- Little Cambodia – that’s what they called the area they helped. Refugee immigrants from Cambodia – I had no idea.
That’s what sonder does. I had no idea—and then, the light of realization shoots like spider webs in all directions.
We live our own private lives. It’s easy to get caught up in them.
Even with all the news and the internet, there’s so much we don’t know. Sonder will open our eyes to what we can’t see.
There’s more to each of us than meets the eye.
There’s more to each of us than meets the eye. Share on X
EMOTIONS FROM SONDER
My heart was both elated and broken by the sonder.
Elated by the open and loving hearts giving and serving that little community. Elated by the response of the grateful hearts by those receiving the assistance from the international students. Elated by the unity represented with such diversity working together.
Broken by understanding that there is still so much need. Broken with the knowledge that so many still suffer. Broken by knowing I can’t fix it all by myself even though I wish I could. Broken that Hurricane Harvey is not the only thing people are suffering from.
Then the feeling of overwhelm presented itself but I resisted.
There are many things we feel when we encounter sonder. Share on X
RESPONDING TO SONDER
There are many things we feel when we encounter sonder. The feeling of overwhelm seeks to paralyze. We need to resist and take action in whatever way we can.
For example, I wrote* about the feeling of overwhelm last Christmas. Why Christmas? Because organizations increase their fundraising and we become more aware of needs. The mail fills the mailboxes. The emails fill the inboxes. Overwhelm presents itself and we have a choice.
In my article* I asked my readers to choose love. Love responds with action.
It’s true we can’t fix everything. Our world has a lot of brokenness. But we can do something.
Let sonder move you to actions of love.
Let sonder move you to actions of love. Share on X
WHAT NEXT
- Choose to let sonder change you and inspire you to reach out in love to help others. There are many organizations still helping the victims of Hurrican Harvey. To help click here.
- *My story inspiring the response of love. Click here to read.
- BE INSPIRING – Share a story in the comments of how you will or have helped others.
Interesting Danielle….yet I experience this often, but neither in a positive or negative way. It is simply an awareness I have every time I drive down the street and watch the cars that pass me by or am sitting in church or shopping in a store that each and every person I see has a story…that each person is going somewhere..has a destination, a concern, someone they love, hate, or are worried about it. I think about them but I know I don’t have any real impact on their lives other than I share this planet with them and I often say a prayer either consciously or sometimes just vaguely trusting that God is in control and He is watching over them the same as I know He is watching over me. I find it amazing really to think about all the people around me and that gives me a sense of how great God is….that He is bigger and more powerful than anything/everything around me. Thank you for sharing this article and helping me to understand it a little clearer. I will think of this the next time I am surrounded by those I share this planet with.
I thought it was quite interesting myself. It’s clear you understand and have experienced sonder. I find it amazing as well. I’ve wanted to write about it since I first heard the term and now I finally have.
Thank you for sharing your experience. We can learn so much from each other.
Danielle Bernock, you’re amazing! Keep writing, everyone will be sure to read anything and everything you put out. It’s always so interesting.
Thank you, KD. You’re so kind.
What an amazing and unique post with an interesting meaningful word I’ve truthfully not thought of much. Inspiring and encouraging post Danielle.
Thank you, Cori. I’m glad you found it meaningful like I did.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Sweet. I’ve been a sonder responder, I suppose, since I was a child. Thanks for giving me a name for it! As a writer, we can always find a small bit of meaning like a kireji moment in haiku or a caesura moment in old English poetry; it makes us all the same kind of different, in a way. I will share this!
How wonderful, Katharine and you’re most welcome. The word impacted me so deeply I just had to share.
I love how you said the same kind of different. It’s beautiful.
Thank you for sharing your words with me and sharing my words with others.
Such an important reminder. I’m glad there’s actually a precise term for it because it’s easy to recall the next time I feel myself slipping into one of those moments where I become either apathetic to the suffering of others or start feeling sorry for myself.
I’m so glad to be of help, Kate.
Thanks for sharing!