Everyone has a relationship with themselves. It’s either love, hate or somewhere in-between. The only exception is the egotist or narcissist.
I used to hate myself. It was a miserable way to live. Because I’ve healed my relationship with my ‘self’ I got rid of the misery. It took a process. I had to find out why I struggled so much and then discover what to do about it. I needed healing in many ways. One was I had a negative perception of the word self from toxic religion.
What about you? What is your relationship with yourself? Do you give value to the core of who you are? When you think about yourself, is it vague or do you think about your ‘self’? That part of you called the ‘self’ is important to every relationship you have.
If you lack a healthy self-love your relationship with yourself needs healing.
Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have. —Robert Holden
CAUSES FOR TROUBLE
There are a few reasons that people have trouble in their relationship with themselves.
In another article of mine I show how trauma is the single biggest cause of problems with self-esteem. I identify numerous types of trauma that are often dismissed as not being trauma. When trauma is invalidated it doesn’t go away, it goes underground. I’ll put the link to that article at the bottom of this one in case you’d like to see if you have this kind of trauma in your life.
Another cause for trouble with self-esteem comes from what I mentioned above—toxic religion. Toxic religion does two things to the self. One is it puts undue pressure on a person to work at and earn being good enough. This is taught as being ‘righteous’, or ‘holy’ but is actually self-effort. The second misuses what the Bible calls ‘dying to self’ and seeks to eliminate the sense of self. Both of these cause a negative view of the self and are lies. I elaborate much more on this in two of my books.
Finding the cause of your trouble is the beginning of your healing.
If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone. —Maxwell Maltz
FRIEND YOURSELF
You will be with yourself your entire life why not make friends with yourself. It may sound silly but it’s powerful.
Imagine someone moved in down the street from you. They dressed and behaved in an intriguing way. It didn’t take them long to connect with the neighbors. As you watched from your kitchen window and saw them enjoying their life and having fun with the neighbors you yearned to meet them and get in on the fun. But you’re scared. This leaves you with the decision to go after what you want or let fear steal from you. What do you decide?
Look at friending yourself in that way. You are an amazing person.
How can I say that? Because I know God and he makes amazing people. What happens is life throws crap on us and then can’t see our amazingness.
Friending yourself starts with a decision to reach out to yourself with compassion.
If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone. —Maxwell Maltz Share on X
ENJOYING YOURSELF
I remember many years ago I went to a small gathering at someone’s house. It was in connection to a church I was going to and didn’t know many of the people there. In their effort to get to know us they asked us questions. One of them left me stunned without an answer.
What did they ask?
They asked me what I did for fun. I was stuck in invisible trauma. Fun was something I didn’t think I had the right to enjoy. I have never forgotten that moment.
Now I can answer the question without a problem because I have a healthy relationship with my self. Not perfect mind you – there’s no such thing. But I started with simply trying to be comfortable in my own skin and then progressed to enjoying my own company.
The first time I heard the words ‘enjoying your own company’ were from a lady preacher named Joyce Meyer. I don’t know if you know her, but she is well acquainted with trauma and healing. Her words stunned me like that question and started me on another layer of inner healing.
Enjoying yourself is a good and godly thing to do.
Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have. —Robert Holden Share on X
EMPOWER YOURSELF
Trauma takes value from the self, and the joy out of life. Healing restores the inherent value to the self, and brings a joy that makes you feel like flying.
Joy is empowering.
Your self is the most powerful part of your soul because it’s the part of you that operates your choice. Trauma cloaks this power from you. God wants you to be aware of it.
Your power of choice is the greatest gift God has given you.
Some may argue I’m wrong and Jesus is the greatest gift. I answer with a person can’t receive the gift of Jesus if they don’t take ownership of their choice. Following Jesus or not following him is a matter of choice. I choose Jesus and he helped me heal my relationship with myself. This effected my entire life and has brought me great joy.
Healing your relationship with yourself will restore your power of choice and bring you great joy.
PICK ONE OF THESE
- Enroll in the 7 Day Challenge to Love Your Self here
- Buy my books here
- Read the article I mentioned that identifies dismissed traumas here
