Just like two weeks ago, today my writing didn’t go as planned.
I had two other drafts before this one. What was my problem?
Well, last week I said I’d talk about the love I mentioned at the end of the article.
The love in the manifesto. The love in my book.
The love that gets rid of the fear.
The fear we deal with every time we want to get closer to someone.
The fear we deal with every time our emotions go into a raging spiral and vile things come out of our mouth.
The fear that drives us into hiding when we desperately want someone to come seeking after us.
Yeah, that love.
Is this love magical?
Am I saying it takes all the fear away and you can “emerge with wings” and fly through life without a care?
Um, no – in fact, the thought is laughable. I wish it was magical like that.
The truth is, this past week fear has been chasing me like a big monster.
And as I sat down to write I found myself freezing up. My thoughts went in a thousand different directions. I felt (more than heard) the fear threatening me I had nothing of value to say.
The fear pressured me to shut me up so I wouldn’t wage battle against the filthy toxic lie telling me: I am not loved, I don’t matter and neither does anything I have to say.
But I MUST speak up! Why?
Because if I have this monster chasing me then you have this monster too.
The fear monster is no respecter of persons.
I’m a sensitive and emotional person. But this past week I have been even more emotional than usual and not had the clarity of thought to understand why.
Some would call it a spiritual attack. Maybe. I’m not sure. Maybe it is and maybe it’s my own poor thinking. It is said thoughts precede action. But it hasn’t felt that clear.
I’ve had inklings of possibilities. But there has been more of a vague cloudy emotionalness (is that a word?) and I just wanted to sit on the floor and cry.
But then I got mad at myself. I didn’t want to sit on the floor and cry – that’s stupid. I didn’t even have a reason. I just felt.
And then I got mad at the feelings that felt so strong and mangled together like an old string of tangled up Christmas lights. Have you ever experienced that?
Then I came to my senses and encouraged myself but then they came around again. I’ve felt like I’m on some psychotic merry-go-round going at the speed of NASCAR. It’s been a rough week emotionally.
And today – I don’t feel the love I want to talk about. I feel that toxic fear.
But you know what?
The love IS stronger than the fear.
I have finally become convinced of it – story in the manifesto.
Knowing and being convinced of it is how I can publish this article instead of hitting the delete button.
If I’m going to have the audacity to write and give people direction on what they can do then I need to be doing it myself!
Last week I said love is greater than fear and we can choose love.
So – I’m going to detox!
I’m choosing to listen to what love has to say instead of the toxic things fear is screaming at me.
Love is greater than fear! Share on X
What are they saying?
Fear says hit delete you sound stupid. Love says your voice matters.
Fear says you are unlovable. Love says you are worthy of love.
Fear says nobody cares. Love says: I’ve seen the ugly parts of you, and I’m staying. – Matt Chandler
Fear says you screwed up too much this time. Love says I forgive you.
Fear says you are not enough. Love says with me you are enough.
Fear says you are all alone. Love says I am here with you.
Fear says you are hopelessly broken and unfixable.
Love says I will love you into wholeness.
HOW to choose love when intoxicated with fear.
One step at a time.
Little by little.
Give yourself GRACE!
Love is full of grace!
Process – just like the building of a relationship I wrote about last week.
Prepare and grow when fear is silent.
Take action:
- Thinking differently takes time. Read more here.
- Identify what feelings/words scream at you and find the words to counter them. Begin to input healthy love words when the fear is not screaming. Feed them to your mind to create the new thinking patterns. Things like:
God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control. reference
I know and have believed the love which God has for me. God is love, and when I remain in his love I remain in God, and God remains in me. In this manner, love is made perfect in me, that I may have boldness… There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has torment. reference
- Read Love’s Manifesto. If you don’t have it get it here free.
- Share in the comments what toxic things fear says to you &/or how you detox with love.
Thank you for not hitting delete! Great encouragement.
Thank you Elizabeth!
Sometimes where we fear is where we’re supposed to go…what we fear is what we’re supposed to do. We will always have fear if we’re doing anything worthwhile, and we should do exactly what you did. Acknowledge the fear, then head into it. (Unless what you fear is actually something with sharp teeth and claws, but when does that ever happen?) Thank you for pushing Publish! Thank your vulnerability (another common fear) and letting us know what real people should do in real life.
Thank you for sharing Shayne. I loved your “sharp teeth & claws” – it’s a good picture and it made me chuckle.