It happened again. A sucker punch is what my counselor calls trauma. That’s what happens when someone dies unexpectedly—it’s a sucker punch to the soul.
I’m feeling sucker-punched. My soul hurts. I’m sure you’ve been there.
No matter how much we know and understand in our pea brains that death is part of the life cycle, still, when someone dies “before their time” it rocks our world.
Death is traumatic. It makes your soul hurt.
Death is traumatic. It makes your soul hurt. Share on X
IT’S CALLED GRIEF
How deeply we’re affected by a sudden death depends on who the person was to us and/or the situation surrounding their death.
For example, it could be a family member who died of cancer; a public figure like the assassination of John F. Kennedy or John Lennon; the crew of the Challenger space shuttle that blew up 73 seconds after liftoff; the people who lost their lives in the terror attack on the twin towers in New York City on September 11, 2001; or a friend killed in a car accident. Each of these are different examples. Your response reflects how it impacted you. Owning this response is critical to becoming whole again.*
Recently, I found out that a former pastor of mine died. He was only fifty-eight.
Maybe you think that’s old, but I think that’s too young.
I’d lost touch with this man due to moving away but I remember him being strong and healthy. I don’t know if he developed any health challenges, but his death was unexpected.
The loss of this pastor has haunted me.
I remembered how he impacted my life and how I wrote about it in my first book.
I wrestled with numerous emotions and I wanted to make use them instead of becoming afraid to go to sleep at night.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. —Jesus Share on XBlessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. —Jesus
GRIEF WORK
Every time we encounter death it reminds us of how fragile life is. We can be tempted to withdraw into fear or depression. I know I was.
The pastor that died, died in his sleep. Sounds peaceful. Many people say that’s how they want to die. But I started thinking about his wife waking up next to his dead body. I thought about how he didn’t know he wouldn’t wake up the next day. These things disturbed me. Questions and emotions got loud.
I needed to be proactive against the fear grief was throwing at me.
We do this by doing something called “grief work”. This is one way we can mourn and become comforted.
For my first bit of grief work, I posted this on Facebook.
Last weekend I found out my former pastor in Arizona died. He was only 58 and I was shocked at the news as were many others. I keep thinking about it and need to say LIFE is but a breath, it’s precious – LIVE intentionally, LOVE wholeheartedly, LET GO of things that weigh you down, EMBRACE all the good in your life. Your life matters – cherish it to the glory of God.
#becauseyoumatter #lifeisprecious
CHOICE
I’m sixty-one. The pastor who died was younger than me.
I’m making an intentional choice to do the above: lift others up and seek to see every day of my life as a privilege.
It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day and take things for granted – like life and breath, family and friends.
So I’m making a fresh commitment to be intentional with my life.
Writing this article is another act of grief work but also to encourage you to appreciate your life and all the good in it.
Even when there’s bad, there’s always good stuff too. Learn from the bad and get up again when you fall down.
Life is a God-given gift – enjoy it to the fullest.
Life is a God-given gift – enjoy it to the fullest. Share on XGrieving is a passageway. Expressing your grief empowers you to journey through. Failing to own your grief, builds a prison of pain for your soul. —Danielle Bernock (Because You Matter)
WHAT NEXT
- When was the last time your soul hurt?
- What did you do to help yourself heal?
*This excerpt is taken from OWN YOUR GRIEF: DEATH DEVASTATES in Because You Matter.
Your article was a good wake up call Danielle. I was reminded that the hard work of journeying through the pain of grief actually frees my soul; although its hard work, it’s time well spent. Enjoying life is worth the work of processing the pain, forgiving is the bridge to the other side. Grace paved the way to get there. Love paid my toll to cross freely. Thanks for your message that we are worthy of love in Because You Matter.
You’re welcome, Roz. I so glad the book has touched you deeply.
How wonderful about this article. I love how God will use what one person needs to minister to another. I’m glad my journeying through was so helpful to you.
Thank you for reading and sharing part of your journey here in the comments.