My new book Because You Matter: How to Take Ownership of Your Life So You Can Really Live is being released next month. September 15^th to be exact.

With my first book (which came out in 2014) I was more private about how it came to be. When asked how long it took me to write it, I had to think about it, because I didn’t really know.

Why? Because I didn’t think it mattered. Since then I’ve learned why and how I need to open up.

Because vulnerability and authenticity connect us.

Along the road with this new book I’ve been much more transparent even though I didn’t always know where I was going. I know how long it’s taken me to write and I documented my journey so I can know the answers to people’s questions.

Parts of my journey are messy and I’d like to hide them. But maybe someone needs to write their story and needs me to give them courage.

Maybe that someone is you.

This is the beginning of a series sharing how Because You Matter came to be.

PRELUDE

I published an article about how writing and publishing a book is like having a baby. I’ll use that imagery at times in this series.

For example, at this time in my process, I feel like I’m in the transition part of birthing. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s the most painful part of birthing. Many women say things like: I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t do this, take me home, it’s all your fault… They don’t really mean it. It’s the pain talking. Maybe fear too, because it’s getting real.

Like that pregnant woman pushes through her pain and brings her baby into the world, I’m pushing through pain and fear to bring my book to completion.

Recently I suffered a disappointment that affected me deeper than I’d like to admit. I had my first book in an awards contest and was expecting to become one of the top ten finalists.

I did not.

The negative emotional and mental onslaught tempted me to not only cease the publishing of Because You Matter, but also stop writing altogether.

The pain was blinding. I was embarrassed. I felt shame for losing. I felt ashamed of the pain I was feeling. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out—and I was ashamed of that too.

Why was this disappointment so intense?

Creating things and sharing them is an intimate affair. When we create something, whether it be a book, a poem, a drawing, a song, or whatever (the list is endless), it takes courage to allow others to see it (or hear it).

This is because what we create carries a part of us in it, as well it should.

However, it’s easy to attach our value and identity to what we create, and when someone sees it and doesn’t respond how we want them to, or expect, or worse they don’t like it, we can take it too personally. That’s what I did.

It takes courage to subject our creations to other people’s judgment.

We need to remember that nobody likes everything and what we create came from us—but is not us. There is a need to separate who we are from what we create.

I am not what I create.

CONCEPTION

Because You Matter was conceived around Easter in 2018. It was a Sunday. I was sitting in the passenger seat of my husband’s car exiting the parking lot of church when those words were whispered to my soul and I felt them penetrate my heart.

Immediately upon arrival at home, I scribbled the words on a sticky note.

I knew they meant something but wasn’t quite sure what. I was excited at the thought of it as a book, but nervous at the same time. I remembered how I started another book two years before but set it aside. I hadn’t been ready. The material was too messy. I questioned if they were related.

For two months I pondered the words I’d scribbled.

I mind mapped this new idea. I compared it with the old abandoned book.

I prayed.

I gathered ideas.

One of the ideas burned into my soul was a word—ownership. This word took on new meaning in my life after reading an article on parenting. I’d never heard it contrasted with taking responsibility before. This authors insight was compelling to me.

In June I began writing out lessons, not on my computer, but longhand in a notebook. I started with material from my first book Emerging With Wings: A True Story of Lies, Pain, And The LOVE that Heals. I made little titles for each lesson and wrote one per day.

When I was done, I had forty-nine short lessons. Hardly a book.

I wasn’t sure if I was on the right track or where this was going, but I was compelled to continue.

STARTING TO SHOW

In September of the same year, I mustered the courage to share these lessons with a few other people. It was scary. What if they thought my idea was stupid?

Their feedback was beyond encouraging. I was a bit stunned at how impactful they said the lessons were. They told me people needed what I had written. They also gave me constructive criticism.

I moved forward taking their critical feedback into consideration.

Next week: what I shared with them and how it started to take shape…

WHAT NEXT

• Don’t miss next week: subscribe to get it in your inbox HERE
• Want to know something about my process? Ask a question in the comments.
• Get a sample of Because You Matter before it’s released HERE
• Get a copy of Emerging With Wings HERE

Danielle Bernock

Author, Coach, and Speaker helping men, women, and organizations EMERGE with clear vision of their value, TAKE ownership of their choices, and CHART a path to their promise, becoming Victorious Souls who Embrace The Change from survive to thrive through the power of the love of God

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