There’s a Godzilla in your life and it’s ruining everything. Not an actual giant fire-breathing lizard—but just as destructive. Have you seen the old cheesy movies? Without warning, Godzilla would arise out of the ocean and destroy everything in his path.

You become Godzilla when you should yourself.  

What do I mean?

When we try to make ourselves do something that’s good for us because we feel like we should.

We’ve all done it. We ruminate on how we should do stuff.

• We should lose weight
• We should get healthier
• We should read more
• We should quit smoking
• We should exercise more
• We should get out of debt
• We should… and the list is endless.

When we should ourselves we become like Godzilla to what we want to accomplish.

We try, and we fail, and then we beat ourselves up. This is not an exercise in self-improvement—it’s destructive.

You can change all that and become successful instead of Godzilla.

Shoulds destroy the thing you’re trying to do.

I learned this when I tried to start a new habit, a daily practice of quiet meditation. I initially tried this new habit because I thought it’d be good for me. I should do it.

Little did I know that like Godzilla arose out of the ocean, self-sabotage arose in me.

I became Godzilla through the should and failed at what I was trying to do.

How shoulding works.

The emotion invoked when we tell ourselves we should do something is negative. Shoulding ourselves is a form of self-coercion. Coercion negates the will and brings a feeling of threat and force.

Shoulding ourselves brings feelings of shame. Inside we feel like we’re not good enough so we’re punishing our self or putting our self in jail. We want to be free.

The desire for freedom from the inner oppression wins through self-sabotage.

What you need instead.

The answer is hidden in the act of self-sabotage. The want for freedom.

I discovered this one day while wrestling with a lot of anxiety. During that day I practiced the quiet meditation three separate times. The first and second time didn’t do much for me.

The third time I learned about want—because of my need.

Want is desire and a form of need, or craving. My need created a craving.

I wanted what the quiet meditation had to offer me and I acquired it. I found inner quiet and the anxiety was stilled. This increased my desire and craving to continue this new habit. I haven’t missed a day since and it’s wonderful.

The same goes for eating more vegetables, going to the gym, quitting smoking or whatever you’re shoulding yourself about because it’s good for you.

It being good for you is not enough.

What you need is to tap into is your desire. When you want something enough—you’ll crave it.

Once you crave it you’ll do whatever you need to acquire it.

How to be successful instead of Godzilla.

Shoulding your self is not good—even if it’s for a good reason.

The way to success is through good self-care. To succeed you need to love yourself enough to find your desire, your need, and tap into it.

That’s what I did on that anxiety-filled day. I needed peace on the inside and the quiet meditation was the means to get it. I craved the quiet so I went after it until I got it. I succeeded!

Employing our will is the way to success.

How to succeed when there’s no will, no craving.

We all have things we wish were different but we’re not really willing. We have no craving, no drive.

I found myself in this position when shoulding myself about quitting smoking. Full story here. I found success!

There’s hope!

When you wish something—but don’t want it, you could say—you want to want it. You will to want it.

If you’ll employ that want, that will, and ask God for help He is more than willing to help. That’s how I succeeded. There’s a verse in the Bible that says:

For God is carefully working in you both to desire and to do that thing which you desire. Philippians 2:13 Aramaic Bible in Plain English

God will give you the want to when you want to want to, just like He did for me. So if you’re having trouble finding that desire, that want to—but you want it—pray—ask for help. Pray every day over and over and the desire, the craving will arise within you instead of Godzilla.

Then you can do what you want to do instead of shoulding yourself.

What next

If you have a Godzilla or success story, please share in the comments.

Get help in whatever area you need:

• Help with knowing you’re loved—here and here.
• Help with loving yourself better—here and here.
• Help getting your want to, read my story here.

Danielle Bernock

Author, Coach, and Speaker helping men, women, and organizations EMERGE with clear vision of their value, TAKE ownership of their choices, and CHART a path to their promise, becoming Victorious Souls who Embrace The Change from survive to thrive through the power of the love of God

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